Swapping roles

 Having major surgery several months ago and being somewhat incapacitated for a period of time post-surgery, has made me reflect on our situation. Too often perhaps I pass off my husband's symptoms as a day to day issue and don't give sufficient thought to his life and how it feels to be walking in his shoes. Given that I knew I would recover (unlike my husband) it has made me think more about life for both of us if something significant happened to me. My husband is very dependent on me (not physically but mentally) for many day to day tasks. I have been physically dependent on him for several months. 

As a carer, I am not alone in feeling the vulnerability of being responsible for caring for my husband but my own physical incapacity has made be feel what if the shoe was on the other foot. What if my husband had a further serious stroke (which the chances are that he will) and I need to care for him both physically and mentally. What would that look like and feel like for both of us. 

In my recovery period, I feel like I am running out of time perhaps to do the things that I want to do before our life changes. His life has narrowed significantly in the past couple of years in term of activities and interests. At the moment I am fortunate that I can still continue in the most part to do the things that are important to me and follow my own interests. But for how long?

Don't get me wrong, I am not complaining and I am not mired in self pity. I am just one person who is putting one foot in front of the other. There are so many carers out there who have been doing this job for much longer than me and so much harder than me. I have worked in the disability sector for many years and have witnessed this. However, as a counsellor once said to me, "there is no hierarchy of suffering". It doesn't necessarily do any good to compare our lives to others. We are all trying to live our own lives. Our experiences are our own experiences and it's not helpful to say that there are a lot of people worse off (and better off) than me.

The last few months have reminded me of the importance of being vulnerable and sharing vulnerability. Being stoic is not necessarily a good thing. A call out to everyone who is a carer and acknowledging and recognising their stories.  

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